Tu vs Lei: formal and informal address in Italian

Italian has an informal "you" (tu) and a formal "you" (Lei). Choosing the right one is less about grammar than about the situation, and Italians are fairly relaxed about it. Still, a stranger who is addressed with tu by a foreigner will forgive it, while a friend addressed with Lei may find it oddly cold.

The three forms of "you"

Form	Use	Verb form	Example
tu	One person you know well, or a child	second person singular	Come stai?
Lei	One person you address formally	third person singular	Come sta?
voi	More than one person, in any setting	second person plural	Come state?

The formal Lei is the same word as "she", and it takes the third-person singular verb. It is written with a capital L in letters and emails, to tell it apart from lei meaning "she". This works for men and women alike: Lei è italiano, signor Rossi?

When to use tu

With friends, family, classmates and colleagues of your own age.
With children and teenagers.
With people in informal places, such as a youth hostel, a gym or a beach club.
Online, in most social media and chat settings.

When to use Lei

With strangers, especially older ones, shopkeepers, officials and waiters in a formal restaurant.
With a doctor, a teacher, a professor or a manager, until they invite you to use tu.
In business emails and first contact of any kind.

When in doubt, start with Lei. It is easier to be invited to use tu than to recover from an unintended familiarity.

Switching to tu

Someone older or more senior will often offer: Possiamo darci del tu? ("Can we use tu with each other?"). Accept it with Volentieri! and switch at once. The phrase dare del tu means "to use tu", and dare del Lei means "to use Lei".

Verb forms side by side

Meaning	tu	Lei	voi
You are	sei	è	siete
You have	hai	ha	avete
You speak	parli	parla	parlate
You want	vuoi	vuole	volete
Do you speak Italian?	Parli italiano?	Parla italiano?	Parlate italiano?

Possessives and object pronouns follow the same pattern. With tu you say il tuo nome, ti piace, ti aiuto. With Lei you say il suo nome, Le piace, La aiuto.

Examples

A formal dialogue

Common mistakes

Using voi for one formal person. In modern standard Italian, one formal person is Lei. The singular voi survives in some southern regions and in older writing, but it is not what a learner needs.
Mixing forms in one sentence: Come ti chiami, signore? mixes informal ti with a formal address.
Forgetting the verb change. Lei parli is wrong, because Lei takes parla.
Using tu with someone because they say tu to you. Older people may address you informally while still expecting Lei back.

Practice

Once you are comfortable with the two registers, see them in action in introducing yourself.